Elämäm Kiekko

[iRSPe]

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We began our EASHL trip as team from ECL 3 and now we are more ready than ever to beat enemies(atleast we know how to lose)! Last season we had some difficult times (32 game losing streak) but we managed to get over them(not really). The difficulties raised us as a team (we hate each other more than ever) and we identified our weaknesses(we suck). We have worked hard to overcome the weaknesses(lost more) and I believe our successful task(yea right)! We do not intend to make any changes from last season and we will continue our chosen line(lose). We decided to go for ECL Lite insted of ECL Pro because we want self-confidence back(let us win pls) and our goal is to get promoted to ECL Pro(ahahahah)!

 

ELÄMÄM KIEKKO ECL 5 ROSTER

Goalies
#44 Raimo Vormisto "Hubinalle"

Defensemen
#4 Nahka Toteemi "Epsri"
#47 Mauri Rehtori "Tomppade47"
#99 Mustalais Joulupukki "britn1"
#75 Hal Gill "Oulaxi"

Forwards
#5 Impolan Ihme "Rustylul"
#16 Rullisteleva Punkkari "Yofilul"
#69 Tlustuusi Jhyy "Klimppi69"
#87 Munien Haistelu "Markogirl87"
#88 Koivulan Kovaltsuk "Sutkuuu"

Retired
#9 Pablo Eskopaar "EeduardoN"
#85 Marko Jantunen "Juhis92"
#99 Oi Spakalia "Kalchu"

 

New season needs updated tactics.

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Edited October 31, 2017 by Nahkatoteemi

[PleeMaker]

Haha, good luck boyzz!

[Janikka]

Most sympathetic team ever? Good luck in ECL!

[janbonator]

The best post in NHL-Gamer history.

[iRSPe]

Dear Elämäm Kiekko fans I have the pleasure to announce that Christmas comes early this year! After a hard battle we got names on the paper with a highly experienced and motivated player. Last season he played a few matches with us and was able to help us take seasons only wins. Welcome to the team Oulaxi!

Edited January 31, 2017 by Nahkatoteemi

[iRSPe]

Here is small summary what happened in first week of Elämäm Kiekko's ECL4 Lite season. After six games we have managed to get five points. Two straight wins against Ice Phoenix (5-2 and 7-4) and one point for overtime loss against HC Scorpions (1-9 and 3-4). First encounters of the week we lost to Hc Palosaari (2-5 and 1-5). We had rising trend in this week and we managed to find working lineups thinking towards the future.

 
This week's highlights was Kalchus first win in regular time on ECL (after 40games) against Ice Phoenix (4games sv% 0,60) and Yofilul's comeback against Ice Phoenix scoring four and assisting two after sleepy game on 1-9 lose to Hc Scorpions. Special mention to Markogirl87 who have played 4 games in three points per game pace (4+8).

 
I hope you can read more positive news next week!

[iRSPe]

ELÄMÄM KIEKKO - ECL4 LITE - WEEK 2

Our second week in ECL4 was pretty much similar to first. We managed to gather five points in six games. Two straight wins and one point from overtime lose. Our Team spirit was put to test more than once but as usually our emotions cooled down quickly.

On monday, we faced Lavetten which is one of the favorite teams in our group. They didn't give any opportunities for us and marched to victory. We werent able to score even once. Final results 0-6 and 0-5.

We started with high hopes against Papat on wednesday. We got the start we wanted in both matches but somehow we weren't able to win. We managed to ruin our three and two goal leads in 3rd period in both games. Final results 4-5 and 2-3OT.

Weeks last games on thursday was against Pohjoista Voimaa. We really needed points after devastating loses to Papat and we tried to play as good as we could. This time it was successful plan and we took victories in both matches. I think we need to use that secret formula more often. Final results 7-3 and 4-2.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

Britn1 #99 Mustalais Joulupukki

Rear-ends leader 2+8 in 10games and +/- 0. Doing important work for team night after night. 

[iRSPe]

ELÄMÄM KIEKKO - ECL4 LITE - WEEK 3 

The third week was a success. Seven points from six matches is pretty impressive record for us. Games could have given more, but we were not able to take.

On monday, we had match against A Dream Valhalla. First match was tight but we but we managed to beat them in overtime. Second match we had a slightly different lineup and managed to overcome clear victory. Final Results 7-3 and 4-3OT

Wednesday we witnessed a familiar story against Old Farts. We lost both games even though we led both with two goals before the third period.  In first game Tibor Grzelak burried us with hat trick in 3rd period. In 2nd game we had 2 goal lead 1min 6sec before end of the match. Somehow we managed to melt and after 61mins Old Farts had won us. Final results 4-5 and 5-6OT.

On thursday, Banterfield Battalion marched against us. Last night's point losses against Old Farts put us to seek victory through defence. In first game we were able to keep opponents away from our goal but 14 minutes penalties was too much for us. Second game we got start we wanted and maintained lead in scoring race. We were lucky to beat such a good opponent but sometimes it has to be side. Final results 2-4 and 8-5.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK

Juhis92 #85 Marko Jantunen (8GP 12+8=20)

The combination of skill and ability to score. Brought us into the light with his individual skills. Last week: 4GP 9+5=14  

 

 

Edited March 13, 2017 by Nahkatoteemi
speed

[iRSPe]

Elämäm Kiekko has awarded it's best player of the ECL4 Lite regular season with Pekka Siitoin trophy. 

#99 Mustalais Joulupukki (D)

24GP  3+20=23 +7

Congratulations!

[iRSPe]

As the release of the Completely New And Revamped NHL 18 and thus the season 5 of ECL is almost around the corner,
it is time to sit back, relax and gently touch yourself while reminiscing about the glorious moments of Elämäm Kiekko
on ECL4.

The season got off to a rocky start, when we managed to score only one point in the first four games. No one could've been more surprised as we were,
and the arguments were heated. Uncharacteristic and insensitive insults and threats of sexual violence flew in the air, and most of the team was split between kicking out the underachieving forwards Rustylul and Markogirl, and quitting the game altogether to play Minecraft. But, as always, after couple of hours of fighting and one case of indecent exposure our jolly and laid-back father figure Epsri managed to lay down his pizza and utter soothing words of wisdom from the depths of his five chins. "I think this calls for a beer", as I recall and I do remember that moment as it was yesterday. Looking back, it was the moment that fused us together as a team. The supportive, forgiving and everloving EMK was back on the track, and our season was a huge success, with unprecedented winning streaks with only couple of statistical losses here and there.

We found ourselves in the play-off stage of ECL4 lite, where we suffered our first and only major setback of the season, when our legendary goalie Oi Spakalia had to step down for the remainder of the season due to a combination of nervous breakdown from the abuse of antidepressants, and several venerial diseases. To commemorate their fallen brother, the team fought valiantly with the help of our back-up goalie Arturs Inka, and nearly managed to make it to the second round, but that was not meant to be, as the INF4MOUS won the series 4-2.

As disappointed as we were, there was still some celebrating to be done; Mustalais Joulupukki was unanimously named as the MVP of the team, and Munien Haistelu was crowned as the king of points in a festive ceremony on our town's main square.

As for the new season... Well, only time will tell. Kalchu (Oi Spakalia) has been speaking of retirement, and after hearing this Rustylul and Yofilul also decided to quit saying "it won't be the same without him, you know". After listening the wail, weeping and pleading of his beloved brethren Kalchu has announced that he is reconsidering, but will not make a decision before the game is published.

-Kalchu

Same text in Finnish below

Spoiler

Kuten kaikki tiedämme uusi NHL18 ja ECL 5-kausi on jo lähes nurkan takana. On siis aika istuutua mukavasti, rentoutua ja kosketella hellästi itseään muistellen Elämäm Kiekon kohokohtia ECL 4-kaudesta.

Kausi sai kivisen alun, kun onnistuimme saamaan vain yhden pisteen ensimmäisistä neljästä pelistä. Huono lähtö tuli joukkueellemme täytenä yllätyksenä ja keskustelu pukuhuoneessa karkasi heti käsistä. Kukaan ei ollut turvassa joukkueen sisässä raivoavalta henkiseltä ja seksuaaliselta väkivallalta. Joukkueen sisällä syttyi kapina, kun toinen puoli halusi alisuorittaneet hyökkääjät Rustylulin (Impolan Ihme) ja Markogirlin (Munien Haistelu) ulos joukkueesta, kun taas toinen puoli halusi siirtyä kokonaan Minecraftin ääreen. 

Taistelun riehuttua useamman tunnin, joukkueen hilpeä ja rento isähahmo Epsri (Nahka Toteemi) asetti puoliksi syödyn pitsan vaivoin pöydälle. Hengästyneenä fyysisestä rasituksesta hän lausahti viisauden sanoja viidennen kaksoisleukansa sisältä "Tämä tilanne vaatii olutta". Näin muistelisin asian tapahtuneet, mutta jo silloin minulla oli pieniä ongelmia sekakäytön kanssa. Se hetki kuitenkin yhdisti meidät joukkueena! Avulias, anteeksiantava ja eteenpäin suuntaava Elämäm Kiekko oli taas raiteilla ja kautemme oli suuri menestys. Matkaan mahtui ennennäkemättömiä voittoputkia jotka katkesivat vain muutamiin tilastotappioihin siellä täällä.

Runkosarjan jälkeen suuntasimme kohti ECL 4 Liten Play-offeja jossa kärsimme rampauttavan takaiskun. Legendaarisen maalivahtimme Kalchun (Oi Spakalia) piti siirtyä syrjään loppukauden ajaksi tuntemattomista syistä. Sosiaalisessa mediassa mestarimaalivahdin poisjäännin syiksi arveltiin useita eri seikkoja, mutta vihdoin saimme asian selville. Masennuslääkkeiden ja alkoholin heikentämä räpyläsankari sai epäonnekseen useita eri sukupuolitauteja lähikapakastaan. Täsä huolimatta Elämäm Kiekko taisteli urheasti kaatuneen veljensä muistoksi varamaalivahti Epsrin (Arturs Inka) johdolla. Todellinen yllätys oli jo lähellä, mutta toiselle kierrokselle ei tällä kertaa ollut mitään asiaa, kun INF4MOUS voitti sarjan 4-2.

Pettymysten keskellä pitää kuitenkin muistaa, että aina on juhlimisen aihetta! ECL 4 kauden palkintogaalassa britn1 (Mustalais Joulupukki) nimettiin Elämäm Kiekon arvokkaimmaksi pelaajaksi ja joukkueen sisäisen pistepörssin kuninkaaksi kruunattiin Markogirl87 (Munien Haistelu). Kruunajaiset järjestettiin täydelle porin torille. Ohjelmanumeroina oli mm.ryyppäämistä, oksentelua, pahoinpitelyitä ja jonossa etuilua. Yleisö oli arvatenkin haltioissaan haukkoen henkeään maagisia suorituksia seuratessaan "Tiäksää mu pori o kaunis".

Mitäköhän uusi kausi tuo tullessaan? Ainoastaan aika pystyy sen kertomaan. Kalchu (Oi Spakalia) ilmoitti jäävänsä eläkkeelle ja tämän kuultuaan Rustylul (Impolan Ihme) ja Yofilul (Valtakadun Vanek) myös päättivät lopettaa uransa sanoen "Jos Kalchu lopettaa, niin mekin lopetaan. Könneksöniä ei oo ilman Kalchua!". Aikansa ulinaa, kerjäämistä ja nyyhkimistä kuunneltuaan Kalchu lupasi vielä kerran miettiä uudelleen lopettamispäätöstään, mutta lopullista päätöstä ei ole kuulemma tulossa ennen, kuin uusi NHL 18 saapuu kauppoihin.

 

Edited August 4, 2017 by Nahkatoteemi
spoiler

[C Men]

Though we have now well passed the first milestone of 100 likes on our Facebook page, the next goal of 200 likes lingers in the distance like the heavenly aroma of a fresh pile of cow dung on a hot and sunny sidewalk. So to speed things up, our marketing department came up with a new lottery scheme during one their daily glue sniffing sessions; once we hit that coveted mark of 200 likes, we shall be drawing lots among those eligible, and the winner will be awarded with the much sought-after Elämäm Kiekko snapback cap! Specifically designed by the sexual goblins of EMK to attract women of low criteria and high (by neckbeard standards) sex drive, and lovingly put together by small and seductively delicate hands of Chinese child laborers, you shall be the chick magnet of any club you choose to enter. Complete this year's hottest look by getting a matching t-shirt from our merch-shop, available in several colors e.g. Black, Red, White, Green and Vomit (dye kits sold separately at the nearest bar).

Rules for entering:

1. Like our page on Facebook
2. Comment on this picture with "nokkahuilu"

Facebook will have as much to do with this thing as your mothers will with you, once they realize you have spent your money on NHL 18.

Edited September 24, 2017 by C Men

[C Men]

Well slap me silly and call me a bitch!
The long awaited season 5 of ECL has started, and EMK has cleared it's first two games with flying colours. Ordinarily this would not be a subject of astonishment, but since the de facto backbone and the beloved totem animal of the team Oi Spakalia decided to hand over his rightful place between post to Hubinalle, the new gimp of the team, there were some sincere doubts about the overall performance of the team. Luckily for Hubinalle, the adversary on the first round was Papat, the regular doormat of season 4. Not entirely sure of the abilities of their newest member (acquired with the aid of cheapest windshield washer fluid money could buy and promises of sexual abuse), the defense line of the team really stepped up their game and hubi only had to take two shaky catches, thus in his small and slightly insignificant way securing the glorious 6-0 victory for the Elämäm Kiekko. This raised high hopes for the second game, which came to fruition when Papat really lived up to their name and played like a bunch of incontinent grandpas. After the massive 10-0 win the frenzied shouts of joy of EMK fans all over Pori were reportedly heard as far away as Jämijärvi, and had it not been near midnight, most of the gas stations in a 10 mile radius would have ran out of paint thinner. After the game it also became clear that Munien haistelu had taken the position of overall point leader with his 3+9 stats, whereas the team's butt-pirate captain and sexual predator Nahka Toteemi dominated the defensive players' board with his 0+5 points.

Modest as always, the guys did not let this sudden fame go in their heads, although a small celebration at the main square (now renamed as Elämäm Kiekko Square) was in order. The picture included is a snapshot of Nahka Toteemi indulging the requests of the ecstatic female fans and flashing his manly member (photo partly censored for decency's sake).

 

Edited October 17, 2017 by C Men

[iRSPe]

1 tunti sitten, C Men kirjoitti:

Well slap me silly and call me a bitch!
...

Kalchu, discreet as usually. 

 

Goal compilation from our first matches.

 

Edited October 17, 2017 by Nahkatoteemi

[C Men]

Hey, "tact" is my middle name

[iRSPe]

Today we played against Almost Famous and this was good match to see where we are with our game at the moment. One point from the top condender in ECL Lite was pretty big thing to us. It was nice to see that we can challenge 'better' teams properly and from this we get more confidence in the future!
Final results: 4-2 and 1-2OT to Almost Famous

 

[iRSPe]

Elämäm Kiekko sent a fan package to 2015's most popular Youtuber in Finland. Markoboy87 comes from Pori as we do, so this was the least we could do for his sake. See below Markoboy's reaction of our products.