C Men

Hey, "tact" is my middle name

Well slap me silly and call me a bitch! The long awaited season 5 of ECL has started, and EMK has cleared it's first two games with flying colours. Ordinarily this would not be a subject of astonishment, but since the de facto backbone and the beloved totem animal of the team Oi Spakalia decided to hand over his rightful place between post to Hubinalle, the new gimp of the team, there were some sincere doubts about the overall performance of the team. Luckily for Hubinalle, the adversary on the first round was Papat, the regular doormat of season 4. Not entirely sure of the abilities of their newest member (acquired with the aid of cheapest windshield washer fluid money could buy and promises of sexual abuse), the defense line of the team really stepped up their game and hubi only had to take two shaky catches, thus in his small and slightly insignificant way securing the glorious 6-0 victory for the Elämäm Kiekko. This raised high hopes for the second game, which came to fruition when Papat really lived up to their name and played like a bunch of incontinent grandpas. After the massive 10-0 win the frenzied shouts of joy of EMK fans all over Pori were reportedly heard as far away as Jämijärvi, and had it not been near midnight, most of the gas stations in a 10 mile radius would have ran out of paint thinner. After the game it also became clear that Munien haistelu had taken the position of overall point leader with his 3+9 stats, whereas the team's butt-pirate captain and sexual predator Nahka Toteemi dominated the defensive players' board with his 0+5 points. Modest as always, the guys did not let this sudden fame go in their heads, although a small celebration at the main square (now renamed as Elämäm Kiekko Square) was in order. The picture included is a snapshot of Nahka Toteemi indulging the requests of the ecstatic female fans and flashing his manly member (photo partly censored for decency's sake).

Though we have now well passed the first milestone of 100 likes on our Facebook page, the next goal of 200 likes lingers in the distance like the heavenly aroma of a fresh pile of cow dung on a hot and sunny sidewalk. So to speed things up, our marketing department came up with a new lottery scheme during one their daily glue sniffing sessions; once we hit that coveted mark of 200 likes, we shall be drawing lots among those eligible, and the winner will be awarded with the much sought-after Elämäm Kiekko snapback cap! Specifically designed by the sexual goblins of EMK to attract women of low criteria and high (by neckbeard standards) sex drive, and lovingly put together by small and seductively delicate hands of Chinese child laborers, you shall be the chick magnet of any club you choose to enter. Complete this year's hottest look by getting a matching t-shirt from our merch-shop, available in several colors e.g. Black, Red, White, Green and Vomit (dye kits sold separately at the nearest bar). Rules for entering: 1. Like our page on Facebook 2. Comment on this picture with "nokkahuilu" Facebook will have as much to do with this thing as your mothers will with you, once they realize you have spent your money on NHL 18.

You fat fuck. Try playing 39 games with you pretending to defend while dissing every single one of your team mates. Maybe we SHOULD put you as a goalie. You have hard enough time fitting yourself between the posts let alone the puck, you fucking narwhal. And at least TRY to get my player name right for once. Cunt.